In a land so far away, there lived a little baby girl named May
Who dreamed of a wedding so exuberant and entertaining
And in a land not far from there, a baby boy with jet black hair
Whose name was Ray, he loved to play all day in the sun light
Who knew back then that they would meet each other in the middle of a busy street
May thought she felt her heart skip a beat (now isn’t that cute, but listen)
She gave her name and stuck out her hand, Ray shook it like a perfect gentleman
And that was when a guy named Clay came up to Ray and kissed him on the mouth cuz

Ray is gay. That’s just the way life is sometimes you
Gotta accept that at some point all you plans will get wrecked so
Just chill out. There’s no point in planning life out
If you’re screwed before you’re due just let life do what it wants with you

Back in high school there was a guy, who, above all things, loved pie
He’d have it everyday much to the dismay of his mother and his father
He loved apple, pumpkin, berries blue, cream, custard, key lime too
Banoffee, strawberry, and don’t forget the rhubarb
Who knew at that point he would get, a most ironic ailment
It came one day at the doctors office, if he knew he’d probably want to stop this
But the damage was already done. Mom and dad just looked at their son
The days of pie would have to die because their son developed

Diabetes. Type 2 specifically.
Sometimes you gotta expect that at some point your body will get wrecked by
A horrible disease caused by something that used to
Ease the passage of a horrid day, well goodbye fun. Hello misery

And I know that this song is kinda dark, but hey.
If I don’t address this epic mess of the common naivete
People will go around dreaming wholesome dreams of lives that they wish to have
Well wake up Sally, grow up Johnny lower middle class ain’t that bad!
I’m not saying that the grass isn’t greener on the other side
But it’s kinda hard to cross over when the reality is that life
Will screw you over more times than women, men, and the government combined
So why would you even try?

Well there’s this girl that I kinda like. A pretty girl who’s really bright.
She’ll laugh at me, tell me I’m funny. Maybe rest her head on my arm.
And I really want to make it known, how I feel when I’m alone.
How I think of her, does she think of me? I know it's getting creepy
But I know you know what I mean. I mean romantically.
Can it be what I want? Is it even a slim possibility?
Forget it I’ll just go up and ask. Make a total complete ass of myself
I don’t care I just wanna hear what her answer will be.

She thought that I was gay. Well I guess that would explain
Why she never minded at all when I saw her in her underwear while shopping at the mall right
After we just got through watching Sex in the City 2
I guess I should’ve known right there that with this girl, I’d be going nowhere